I have copied Leslie’s entire post for my readers. Leslie is one of my “Bloggers in a class by themselves” in My Pages. This post is a great example of her talent and patriotism. BB
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Mad Tea Party
Alice America’s Adventures in Liberal-landby Leslie Lynn King
(Adaptation of Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland)
CHAPTER VII
A MAD TEA-PARTY
A table was set where the March HareNapolitano and the Obama Hatter were having tax tea. The Pelosi Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, while the two used her as a scapegoat, rather, a cushion to rest their feet.
“A very uncomfortable position,” said Alice America as she accessed the scene. “Still, the Dormouse is in a stupor, so I suppose she doesn’t mind.”
The table was very long, but all three were crowded at one end.
“No room for you! No room for you!” the three cried as Alice America arrived.
“There’s plenty of room! I paid for this party anyway!” she said and sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.
The Obama Hatter offered, “Would you like some whine or free money, with a side of hope?”
“I don’t see any whine or money,” Alice remarked.
“There isn’t any,” said Pelosi Dormouse, “We drank all the whine and spent all the money.”
“Then is wasn’t very civil of you to offer it,” Alice America said angrily.
“It wasn’t very civil of you to sit down at our table without being invited,” said the March HareNapolitano.
“I didn’t realize this was your table. It looks like it’s set for a great many more than three…I would say, it is set for an entire country!”
“Your pay needs cut, your energy consumption is too high, and you need to walk to work to save gas,” Obama Hatter spoke quickly, then flashed a disturbing smile. “Would you like some tax tea?”
“You should learn not to intrude on my personal life,” Alice America scolded. “I work hard for my pay and I will use as much energy as I like.”
The Hatter opened his eyes very wide; but all he said was, “Why is an American like a TV remote?”
Alice smiled. She liked riddles. “I believe I can guess,” she said.
“Do you mean you can find the answer to it?” said the March HareNapolitano.
“Why, yes,” said Alice.
“Then you should say what you mean,” the March Hare went on.
“But I do,” Alice said. “At least, I mean what I say –that is the same thing.”
“It isn’t the same thing at all!” said the Obama Hatter. “You might just as well say ‘I won’t raise your taxes’ is the same thing as ‘Taxes are meant to be raised.’”
“You might just as well say,” added the March HareNapolitano, “that ‘I’m for national security’ is the same thing as ‘Security is in nationalism.’”
“You might just as well say,” added Pelosi Dormouse, “that ‘Congress wants transparency’ is the same thing as ‘Transparency should be a part of every aspect of private lives.’”
Obama Hatter said, “It is like saying that, ‘Hope and change is fundamental to America’ is the same thing as ‘I’m going to change America fundamentally.’”
Not to be outdone by the Hatter, the March HareNapolitano said, “It is like saying, ‘We are on the lookout for terrorist activity’ is the same thing as ‘Terrorists are not entering through our southern borders.’”
Dormouse added, “It is like saying, ‘Civility and bi-partisanship shall rule the congress’ is the same thing as, ‘We won, so sit down and shut up.’” And with a dreamy smile, she closed her eyes and slept again.
“It is the same thing for you,” the Hatter said to Alice, “Sit down and shut up.”
Alice sat silent for a moment as the conversation swirled within her thoughts. Nothing at the tea party made any sense. But most of all, she could not figure out the riddle of an American being like a TV remote.
“What day of the month is it?” asked Obama Hatter.
“The fourth,” Alice reminded.
“Insignificant,” the Hatter said.
Alice’s mouth dropped open. Before she could exclaim the importance of the date, the Hatter began to complain to Dormouse about the butter on the table.
“It isn’t enough!” cried the Hatter.
“But we’ve taken it from the best shops, spread it thin and all around,” answered Dormouse.
“I told you this little bit of butter wouldn’t suit our need! Find some more! There is a crisis somewhere we can gain from,” cried the March Hare.
“Generate one, if need be, we need more resources. It should not be a problem.”
“What about the people?” Dormouse asked.
“You’re the congress, shut them down,” the Hatter added, then turned to Alice, who felt dreadfully puzzled. “Have you guessed the riddle yet?” the Hatter asked.
“No, I give up. What’s the answer?”
“That would be telling…” the Hatter replied, with his disturbing smile.
Alice sighed. She was growing tired of this tea party and the nonsensical conversation. “I think you ought to find a better way to spend your time,” she stated.
“If you knew about the time as well as I do,” said the Hatter, “You would think twice about your yawning. But take a nap, like Dormouse. We shan’t rest our feet too roughly on your back.”
Alice thought this over for a moment. But before she could respond, the Hatter spoke. “Time cannot be reversed and it’s impossible to stop. So, close your eyes completely.”
Tempted as she was to close her eyes, Alice could not quite accept all that she heard. She glanced at sleeping Dormouse, and the March Hare’s evil eye; then back to the Hatter, who seemed to recognize her dismay.
He shook his head and smiled again. “Have you heard my little song?” And he took up singing as the March Hare and Dormouse tapped along:
Twinkle, twinkle little tax
Never mind about the facts
Up above the world you fly
Like a little tea-pot lie…
“You know the song, perhaps?” the Hatter asked.
“I’ve heard something similar, but not like that,” said Alice.
Pelosi Dormouse shook herself and began to speak. “Careful what you say to Alice America. Transparency should only be so visible.”
“I’ve hardly finished the first verse,” said the Hatter, “And still no battle cry.”
“Change the subject,” the March Hare interrupted. “I’m getting tired. I vote the lady answers the riddle.”
“I’m afraid, I don’t know,” said Alice.
“Then,” said Dormouse, “Take some more tea.”
“But I haven’t had any yet,” Alice replied. “I couldn’t very well take more.”
“But you have had the tax tea, quite heavily too. It’s easy to take more…we do so all the time,” said the Hatter. “Have you figured up the riddle, yet?”
Alice sighed. “Really, you shouldn’t keep asking. I don’t think…”
“Then you shouldn’t talk,” said the Hatter.
This was the last bit of rudeness Alice could take from the group of three. She stood up disgusted and left the table. But as she walked away, she looked back; seeing the Dormouse falling asleep again, and neither of the other two paying any attention to Alice’s departure. Alice had hoped her action would have generated a response, but Obama Hatter and the March HareNapolitano only drank more tea as they tried to stuff the Dormouse into the teapot.
“That was the stupidest tea party I have ever been to,” Alice grumbled. And she started to make plans to organize one of her own.
